Harry Potter and the Choice at the Crossroads
by lewis8604
Summary: Harry's summer after the disaster called fifth year. He has to cope with the death of his godfather and the prophesy. He will have to make choices. These choices could decide life and death. At least this year can't be any worse than the last. Right?
1. Default Chapter

**Insomnia**

_I lay awake on a mattress that no decent human being should be forced to sleep on at 3:34 a.m. I am probably the only person in all of Little Whinging, Surrey that is awake as well, and I don't care. I am a bespectacled boy that happens to turn 16 in a mere two weeks, on July 31st. I haven't slept for more than three hours since I came back from Hogwarts. I find writing keeps my mind off my exhaustion and helps get my head sorted. I've been trying to clear my mind by writing everything I can think of down. Sometimes it helps, others, I dream of Sirius, Cedric, Voldemort. I really don't know what to do. My emerald green eyes seem to glow more than ever before, or so I'm told._

_"Potter, I know you're up to something I can see those eyes glowing more _

_than ever before. I swear if you are lying about how we are treating you _

_there will be hell to pay!!"_

"I hate you Vernon." He said in the barest of whispers.

_My jet black hair is as messy as ever and my bloodshot eyes are not the only sign that all is not well with me, or so I'm told. _

_"BOY, what is wrong with you? Look how messy your hair is, and can't _

_you fix your eyes. I don't want 'those' people to think we are at fault. You_

_better fix it or I will have a talk with your Uncle."_

"You too, Petunia." Quietly, more to himself than anything.

_I have rings under my eyes that marvel the markings of a racoon, there seems to be a dark aura surrounding me, or so I'm told. _

_"What Potter, did Cedric beat you up. Looks like you have to black eyes._

_Why does it look like you have shadows following you around, huh? _

_Some kind of special dark aura you learned from freak school?_

"Yeah, Yeah Dudley, too bad I can't blame you completely. That would be to easy." He knew Dudley might not have been as bad if not for Vernon and Petunia. He also knew that Dudley could have been his own person as well. Especially after the Dementor incident, but no. Dudley, like the rest of the family, had let it be known that it was Harry's fault and not even a thank-you was said.

_I am underfed and overworked. Period. Nobody has to tell me anymore. They know I'm close to losing it. Everyone can sense it. Even in the three word letters I send. I know I'm becoming deathly pale. What am I supposed to do? Somebody tell me, I don't have a clue._

_I am known as, the-boy-who-lived to all of the Wizarding world. But have I really? When have I even had the chance to live? I am the saviour of the Wizarding world. But who alone can save the saviour? I am Harry Potter. Killer of my godfather and endangerer of all of my friends. I have no saviour because I can't have a saviour. Some would say that I am at a crossroads in my life. Some would say I have to make a choice between what is easy and what is right. And what do I say? DUH!! I've been at a crossroads ever since I opened that letter on my eleventh birthday._

_I am a wizard and not just any wizard, but the one prophesized to go against the Dark Lord, Voldemort. Voldemort is so terrible that almost none in the wizarding world will dare even speak his name. He only fears one man and has only been stopped numerous times by one other. The first is Albus Dumbledore, who many regard as the greatest wizard of this age. Headmaster of Hogwarts and a bunch of other important stuff. Who saved my arse one more time last year. Too bad he didn't save Sirius and let me die. Or he could have just told me of that damn prophesy at the beginning of the year. Yeah, me the one who is on it with Voldemort. The only one who has stopped him numerous times. Me, the one who is at a crossroads in his life. _

"What am I going to do?" The voice Harry used sounded foreign to him. He had only spoke in whispers since he had arrived back. He had barely eaten something. His aunt did send food up to his room three times a day. Although it was very meager and not horrible, he couldn't finish any of it. His voice was ragged and low, more of a croak than anything else. He just sat there trying to decide a way out of this hellhole. He was so lost, he didn't think anything could help him, let alone anyone.

Harry had lived at Number Four Privet Drive his whole life, but this year had been worse than ever. The Dursleys just ignored him and he would do the same in response. He was more tetchy than ever. One minute he would be happy and the next he would feel like a Dementor was around. He thought of contacting the order or Dumbledore, but he didn't trust any of them. He people he did trust he wouldn't put this burden on, Ron and Hermione. He probably trusted all of the Weasleys except Percy. This was his battle and he needed to deal with his own demons. Their was one major thing the potpourri of emotions had caused.. Harry had been having more bouts of accidental magic. His emotions had changed so drastically and quickly that usually something unexpected happened. At first he was afraid of facing the Wizengamot again, but nothing happened. So either they can't really scan for accidental magic, or wandless, or they don't care anymore. Maybe Dumbledore had a talk with them?

He had started studying more now that he rarely slept, and he was happy to acknowledge that he could probably give Hermione a run for her money. He had gotten letters form her but he hadn't replied yet. He hadn't replied to anyone actually. He didn't want to hear their pity and he didn't want to be reminded of Sirius' death more than his dreams already did. His scar was in a constant tingling and every now and then it would increase to a strong ache. He didn't care if Dumbledore would like to know. This was his battle, this was his war. He was going to learn everything that he could. So he continued reading the all of his school books. He usually drifted off in the middle of reading and that is what he had done this night.

"_Sirius, I'm sorry. Please don't fall." Harry was back in the atrium again. He could catch him this time. He ran and ran. He saw Bellatrix laugh. "NOOOO!!!" He couldn't get there and once again. He watched as he was grabbed by Lupin again. He was having trouble. He knew he was going to come out this time. "This can't be happening, not like this, not again" _

_Lupin then spoke to him. "Harry it's all your fault. First you kill your parents, then your godfather. Who's next? Ron and Hermione? No wonder nobody has gotten you out of this house. Nobody even cares. That's what's in the letters. They are telling you never to speak to them again" _

_Neville came up to him next. "Harry, ib's all dour fault. Dou almost keeled all ub us. Ib's dour fault my barents are bed. IB'S ALL DOUR FAULT!! IB'S ALL DOUR FAULT BY BARENTS ARE BED!!!" He was yelling as loud as someone with a broken nose could._

_Then everything changed._

_Ron stepped up next and said probably the worst thing that Harry had ever heard. "You're worse than Voldemort. Everyone knows he's evil. Everyone knows he doesn't care. But you, you. You act like you care so much, you act like you need us. But the only thing you are doing is killing us off one by one. Right after we get over the pain of one, it's another. I mean my family took you in for the summer. You stayed at our house, and what did you do? You tore us apart. Percy hates us and the same thing almost happened with Fred and George because you gave them that money. You're insufferable." _

_Harry was no longer in the Ministry of Magic he was in a small suburban town. He was in front of a very nice house. It was a lighter color, and in an older Victorian style. It had three floors and all of the windows had green shutters. The front door was big and oak. It had a mail box right next to the steps leading to the sidewalk. In the driveway was a newer car outside of a garage. He felt hatred looking around, especially at the cars and the lights. He could tell this was a Muggle area and that someone was in trouble. Harry then looked at the mailbox a little more closely. He could barely make out the letters. As soon as he was able to get a good look at it, his view shifted. _

_He began talking to someone in a Death Eater uniform. Once he saw the glint of silver from the man's arm Harry knew who it was. _

"_Wormtail, I have given you a full year. These recruits better be able to take down the wards and destroy the house. You have seven minutes. I will grant you the favor of taking down Dumbledore's anti-apparition ward. Remember you and your recruits have seven minutes. I want the Grangers dead and I don't want them to wake up. If you fail you will wish you had never been born. I will be back. Let it be known what will happen to anyone who befriends Harry Potter. He is going to be the immediate death of so many people that I would have usually over looked." _

Harry woke with a start drenched in a cold sweat and mind racing. He had to save Hermione. He had been in Voldemort's head again, and if this vision was true, then one of his best friends was going to die.


	2. 2 Berkshire and Back

A/N Hey everyone. Thanks in advance for reading. Take the time to review if you want. I want to say thanks to my wonderful Beta Sauron of Mordor. And although none of this has been betaed by wombat. Thanks for being one of my betas.

_Harry woke with a start drenched in a cold sweat and mind racing. He had to save Hermione. He had been in Voldemort's head again, and if this vision was true, then one of his best friends was going to die._

**Berkshire and Back**

Harry didn't know whether this was a fake image planted in his head or was this going to be a real image where Hermione and her family where going to be killed without any help. Without even seeing their murderers. To Harry it didn't matter, if there was a slight chance that the image was real he would have to find a way to get there. He should tell Dumbledore, and would have, if not for the fact the Hedwig was out. Since Harry never wrote any letters except to the Order of the Phoenix, she usually took to hunting at nighttime. She had been taking her time except for the days that Harry had to write letters to the Order of the Phoenix. It was sort of uncanny how she knew the day the letters to the order were due. But that wasn't important.

He had to save Hermione, he almost lost her in the Department of Mysteries and he wasn't going to risk it again. Not for him, not because of him. This time he would go by himself, no one from the order would get hurt or die because of him anymore. None of his friends could get attacked by brains, sprain their ankles, or get hit with purple curses. Maybe he could end it now, before anyone else could die as well.

To Harry there wasn't a decision to make, he was going to risk his life and his alone. Without anyone else knowing, there wasn't anything to stop him. All he had to do was figure out a way to get there. He didn't even know where 'there' was. How was he going to figure this out? He grabbed his wand and his invisibility cloak. He knew he would at least need those and then he sat on his bed and began to think. He thought about the dream and everything about Hermione's house. He pictured their house, their oak door, the mailbox. He then pictured the sidewalk, trying to see if there was street sign somewhere. He pictured where the bushes, and thought, if I could just get there. I could hide and somehow save them. He kept going over everything and his mind kept on going to that bush. As soon as he went to that bush again he felt a tingly sensation and felt like he was moving very fast and very light. He opened his eyes to see what was going on and he saw the bush. He was right behind the bush in Hermione's yard.

He turned around to see the house and saw green flames licking the house, if you could call it that. It was now burnt to the ground. Everything was gone. He had failed. Voldemort had proved that people would pay dearly because of him. He looked up and saw it. It was the Dark Mark. He wanted to throw up. He had lost Hermione to that bastard. That unfeeling, inhumane wanker. He had stolen away one of his best friends. One of his first real friends in his life. The only person who believed him during the Triwizard tournament. She had done so much for him in the short five years that he had known her, more than anyone in his entire life. She had helped him save Sirius from the Dementors. She was the smartest witch he had ever met. And now, now because of him she was gone. She had been killed because she was friends with him. Harry had never been so lost in his life. He wanted to be angry, angry enough to go after Voldemort. He just couldn't gather it. This loss was worse. He couldn't use righteous anger; it would be like an insult to her life.

Harry went back to the bush. He just sat there facing the ruins that remained of the Granger house, knees to his chest, rocking a little and mind racing. Lost. Harry Potter was lost. He wasn't even over the death of his Godfather. Now he had lost one of the most important people in his life. He couldn't breathe. He just wanted it to end. He didn't care anymore. All because of some prophecy made before he was born. He was numb. He didn't even notice the pops and cracks of people Apparating. He didn't even hear the people until they walked towards him.

"Albus, is that Potter in that bush? How in the bloody hell did he get here? Growled the ever vigilant voice of Alastor 'Mad-eye' Moody. "Potter. Potter!"

It was then that Harry lifted his head. He saw Moody walking towards him. He couldn't take it. It was his fault they were dead. He had to get out of here. He ran. Harry took off as fast as he could, whipping off the cloak but keeping it in his hand. He wasn't in the mood to be told this death wasn't his fault. He knew there was only one place to go after this. They would have to take him somewhere to talk. That would mean headquarters. That was one place he wasn't no where near ready to go back. He saw a park. He ran past the swing set, the rocking horses, and into the woods. He threw the cloak around him and jumped underneath some shrubbery and in between a couple of large pines.

"What the hell am I going to do? I couldn't even save my best friend, how am I supposed to save the whole world?" Harry was talking to himself. The events of the day and the last weeks were catching up with him. He hadn't had a real meal in weeks and hadn't exerted himself this much both physically and emotionally before. He was losing it. He saw the black dots appearing in his sight. He knew he was going to pass out. Then everything went black.

"Harry!" Yelled a voice it sounded like Mr. Weasley. At least that means the Weasleys are alright.

"Moody, where is he?" Dumbledore asked the ex-Auror.

"Aye, there he is. He's by that shrubbery and those trees." Growled Moody while pointing towards Harry.

Harry had regained consciousness and was aware that the Order was about to find him. They were going to find him and take him to Sirius' house. He couldn't go there. He couldn't go anywhere. He knew if he went where he wanted then those people would surely be killed.

"Just leave me alone!" He said between sobs. "I can't take this anymore, I want out!" He just closed his eyes and wished that they couldn't hear him, he wished that they couldn't see him.

Harry heard them again and didn't care anymore. He just wanted to sleep, except that he couldn't. He felt empty, he just couldn't believe it. He wanted to tell her he was sorry, not just for the Department of Ministries, but every thing. He wanted to tell her he was sorry for not studying when she told him, for not writing to her, for not listening to her. He wanted to tell her that she was right. She was right about everything. He needed her to be there.

"Harry" It was the voice of Albus Dumbledore. "Everything is O.K. we need you to come out though. Everyone is looking for you."

This was the last straw. They should be looking for the Death Eaters and Voldemort. Not him. How Dare they? Hermione's death should not be pushed aside for him. She was twice the person he is. Everyone was looking for him. Unbelievable. Those wankers. This isn't some game of chess where I'm the king. This is life. This was it. He whisked off the cloak and strode out towards Dumbledore.

"How dare you?" Spat Harry. "How dare you waste time looking for me. I came here to stop this and where the hell were you? I saw this house in flames, I was too late. Why was she even in this position? You should have had people watching her. You think your damn wards were enough. They did it in seven minutes or less. They destroyed your wards and everything else. They didn't even have help from Voldemort. He just took down the Anti-Apparation ward and expected them too. You are supposed to b the greatest wizard of this age. Harry started to choke on the tears running into his throat.

"Harry!" Albus interrupted. He pushed aside the coughing.

'Don't you dare interrupt me! You know what he said? Do you? He said that he would haven't even came to her. He would have let her live. He said he would have waited until he had gotten rid of you and he was in charge. He said if not for me then she would have had time. She was so smart, you know what she could have done with her time. She could have protected herself and her family. What are you going to tell them? I don't even know what to fight for anymore. Tell me how this wasn't my fault."

Harry! Dumbledore tried again. He looked towards Moody and nodded.

"NO!" Harry spat back. This time all the bulbs in the lamps burst. The swing set started to tremor and the rocking horses were swaying back in forth. "She died. She could have been anything she wanted. She wasn't even of age yet and it's because of me. I almost got her killed at the Department of Mysteries, now I finished the job I suppose. She meant everything to me. I don't care about your damn prophecy, your dame statue for underage magic." His voice had gone hoarse. "Why does everyone I care for have to die." He fell to his knees sobbing. His eyes then began to shine and his fury was becoming evident. "I'm going to do this for me, I'm going to end it. He is going to pay, he will wish that I was never born. No more will I have to feel this much pain. No more I tell you." He looked around at the crowd of witches and wizards that had gathered from the order. He turned to face all of them.

"Shame on you! Shame on all of you! She was sixteen years old and you couldn't save her. I know the blame lies on me, nut how could you not see this coming? Did you expect Voldemort to not care that we put a bunch of his most loyal servants in jail? This was his retaliation, this was his 'check'."

Harry had achieved something very few wizards have ever even came close too. He had scared Albus Dumbledore. Harry had sparks flying off him wand unknown to him raised and glowing bloodshot emerald eyes that stuck out in the night. He was formidable.

"I will end it and then I'm done. Done with everything. I won't be your pawn, the order's only light." He was getting going again. The wind was picking up and one could almost feel the magic coming off of one Harry Potter.

"HARRY!" Dumbledore yelled getting into his voice saved for bringing resolve back to the Great Hall. It worked. Harry looked up and met eyes with the older wizard. What he saw there confused him. He saw pain, fear, confusion. All mixed up into those bright blue eyes. He had never seen them like this.

"Harry." Dumbledore was now back in his normally calm demeanor. "I am going to tell you one thing and then we are going to go to headquarters and talk about this." If you don't want to talk about this I will make you a Portkey and send you back to Number Four. Understand?"

Reluctantly, Harry nodded. In his mind though, he was getting ready to tell Dumbledore to sod off.

"Ms. Granger is alive, and furthermore you would have known this if you would have read one of the numerous letters that she has sent you. Along with Mr. Weasley. You have been shutting people out and tonight you could have been caught by Death Eaters. Harry, this is just a house and it can be rebuilt, but if you would have gotten injured or worse. I fear to think." Dumbledore said with conviction.

This was the last thing that Harry had expected to hear. He was gobsmacked, to put it lightly. He began to speak very quickly

"Really? Are you serious, how did she survive? Where is she? What about her parents? You better not be lying. Letters, how do you know I haven't read my letters." Harry was cut off.

"Harry, I've never blatantly lied to you. I may have not have told you the whole truth, but I haven't lied. First you must go back to Number Four and get your things. You will be staying at Grimmauld Place for the rest of the summer. You will take a Portkey along with Alastor. You will have twenty minutes then the Portkey to take you to Grimmauld Place will be ready. Do you understand?" Harry had just noticed that the twinkle that always seemed to exist in the older man's eyes was non-existent. Tonight must have really hit him hard. Harry wondered if it was him or what had happened to the Granger's house.

"I understand, Sir. But how did I get here by the way?" Harry looked towards his headmaster.

"All in good time Harry, all in good time." And with the softest pop he was gone.

Moody walked over to him with a sock in his hand. "Potter, Let's go we only have twenty seconds." Harry walked over and set a hand on the sock. He couldn't speak, Hermione was alive. How did she survive? He could talk to her again. He could tell her he was sorry. "Five, four, three, two, one..." There was the familiar pull on his navel and when he opened his eyes he was back in his room with Moody. He quickly jumped over the bed and started throwing all of his books inside of his trunk.

Moody just cleared his throat. "Potter, let me do it we only have twenty minutes." And with a flick of his wand everything that he needed jumped into his trunk. He then pulled out a rubber band and sat on the bed. "Write a note to your relatives and let them know that you won't be seeing them until next year. I'm sure they wouldn't mind not being told in person." He said coldly. Harry was amazed that Moody was perceptive enough to realize that his relatives hated him and was cold enough to not make him or them change. An awkward silence had fallen because they still had about fifteen minutes left.

"Umm, Moody?" Harry spoke.

"Aye?" Growled the wizard.

"How do you go on? I mean you have been an Auror forever and you must have lost friends and family along the way. How do you deal with the pain? I try so hard to not let it all affect me. I don't understand why it does, either. Tonight when I thought that, when I thought that.." Harry had never just talked to Moody like this, but he was the only neutral party he could find. He wouldn't sugarcoat his answer, he wouldn't give him half-truths. They respected each other. And for that Harry was grateful. "When I thought that I lost Hermione, I was lost myself. It hurt so much. Then I thought of everyone else who died because of me. It just kept getting worse. It was like I had a Dementor inside of me. I wish I could explain it better."

"Potter, I have always used constant vigilance as my motto on life." He said this in a soft tone that Harry didn't know that Moody had. "I haven't lost family in a long time because when it happened to me the first time, I swore for it to never happen again. That's why I'm a grumpy old paranoid ex-Auror. It happened when I was twenty-four, and just starting out as an auror - this was when Grindewald was around and although he was no where near as evil as Voldemort, he was one horrible person nonetheless- I had given him loads of trouble during his reign, but he got me in the end. I had two sisters who I loved with all of my heart. He killed both of them in front of me. That was the night that Dumbledore stopped him. As for the feelings, I made myself go numb. I rarely feel the way that I had at one point in my life."

He looked back over at Harry. His electric blue eye had stopped spinning, and the other was closed tightly.

"Harry." This was the first time Moody had called him by his first name. "The problem is that you don't live if you go numb. I made it my life goal to stop any person who would do the same to others as was done to me. The other thing is that I really doubt that you could. Everyone knows that you have walls higher than China, but we all know that behind those walls how much you feel. It's what made you come out there and try and save Hermione tonight, it's what made you go into the Department of Mysteries. Harry that ability to feel has made you do things no other person has done. And If I understand correctly, that ability to feel is what helped your mother save you that Halloween."

No one had ever put it like that. It wasn't a weakness no matter what Voldemort thought. It was okay to have that hurt from losing Sirius. This feeling had saved him, and his mother had it to. She was the reason he felt this much, the reason he cared.

"Thanks, Moody. That really helps. I just wanna tell you one thing." Harry was going to get this burden off his chest, Moody could keep his secret.

"One minute, grab your things, and keep your wand out of your back pocket. Grab onto the rubber band." Growled moody, back in his regular voice.

Harry grabbed onto the rubber band with his trunk in tow and looked up to the ex-Auror. Seeing all of his scars and seeing them all in a new light.

"Potter, one more thing, If you tell anyone about that conversation you will wish I was still employed by the ministry. That would at least make me think about whether or not to keep the torture you would receive within the law." Barked Moody, and with that he felt the pull at his navel. He landed in the hall of Number 12, Grimmauld Place. Here was that feeling again. Like he couldn't breathe. He didn't want to be here. He sat against the wall, closing his eyes and wishing no one would see him like this and he was away from here.

"Damn it Potter, where the hell did you go." Moody yelled. "Albus get in here, Potter has gone and made himself scarce again."

"Calm down Alastor, Harry has to calm his emotions. He is not doing this on purpose. He can't control it. It's his own Turtle shell, well sort of." Dumbledore replied, the twinkle back in his eye. "We will just have to wait."


End file.
